Wednesday, September 16, 2009
another day in this uncontrollable cycle
unfortunately to all my friends i didnt get a run done today. But more importantly to my best friend di i let her and myself down. Ive been drinking since 1 o clock today and it doesnt matter how many major races ive won i still feel like the biggest bum. to all my friends who have rang me today (both of you) thank you for caring and i love you's both. i am determined to beat this terrible disease and i'll hopefully sign on again tomorrow...p.s if your not a dog lover get a life.
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4 comments:
Paul,
Im one of your biggest fans there is. I love your attitude (mostly), your humour and racing, your a true inspiration to many runners and have a positive impact on the sport and many people.
I also have a brother who has struggled with a heroine addiction since he was 18. I know "why" he is like this which explains his behaviour with drugs.
The difference b/w him and you is you have strength inside you, and positive influences in your life (running, a daughter, a partner).
It is obvious your drinking problems are directly related to your need to run to gain approval from others.
If you run well, you feel good about your self. When you run bad, you feel bad about your self and alcohol cheers you up, hence your addiction to grog, right?
You also rationalise "if you run well, people will approve of you, and you NEED approval from people"
Well paul - that is absolute Bullshit! that attitude will destoy you - and many around you, particularly your family - it did my family.
You dont need approval from others OK! you only need it from your self! Tell you the truth, poeple dont care if you race well, they really dont. The average person out there spends 99% of there time thinking about themself, not paul arthur.
Your a good person if you never ever run or race again (say this again and again until you believe it). Once you stop "needing approval" from others, then not getting the approval you desire will not bother you, and you wont need to turn to alcohol to make your self feel better. Thats why people do drugs to block out pain they feel in there life (your pain is approval from others).
Just get out there and do what you are naturally talented at - running.
Do it for paul and no body else, and just believe the fact that you are a good person and you dont run b/c you need approval but because you love it, you love your self, and no body else gives a rats what you do any way.
If my brother had learnt this years ago, he would still be married with 2 great kids, have a house not a criminal record, and still have a job and life, not track marks up his arm and Hep B, C & D.
Your biggest fan!
(hope this isnt too much, but lifes too short)
HI Paul,
I did intervals with a friend on Tuesday - 2nd time in 4 years. We both struggled through it. That night your post about your 1 km reps came through and I sent it to my mate - it inspired us. Both us are in our 40s - me at the old end and my mate at the other.
Sure you have moved into another era of your running and you still inspire.
Take your own inspiration from how you inspire us because you do make a difference to many of us runners.
cheers PLu
Your a brave man just putting it all out there on your blog. As many do it seems, I have a brother who is an alcoholic. He fights the devil daily but would never admit it. Until he does, he wont be helped. Good for you, your taking a step, bringing it out in the open. I don't know you, but I know my brother and the pain he is in therefor I feel for you. The difference is? You have made something of your life, you run, you have a family. My brother is one step away from the streets. Your stronger than that and you will get through. xx
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